"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."
And He who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."
~Revelation 21:4-5
Today marks the day my divorce is final. I never imagined this for my life. Divorce comes with so many emotions. First, was denial, Then, anger, sadness, fear, and feeling as if I was a total failure. After spending 30+ years with this man, now I was facing the rest of my life alone. Single, a label I had not worn since high school. Dating, what does that even look like? And who would want a 47-year-old divorcee anyway? Divorcee, I don't' even like that label!
For most of my life, I have allowed Satan to continually remind me of all my failures and shortcomings. Many times, he used those around me to speak those things into my life. I have therefore lived a good portion of my life living with shame, guilt, regret, or feeling that I would never be enough for someone to really love. Quite frankly, I wasn't convinced I was worthy of real love.
I felt this for a very long time! Over the last year, I have held on to the Truths from God's word. So many verses that I have memorized over the years, had new meaning to me through this journey. There is no better thing to cling to when you are feeling abandon and alone than Jesus and the Word of God. One truth that Jesus reminded me of frequently was Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I believe with all my heart that when God says He can work all things for good for those who love Him, that means ALL THINGS! That includes each and every one of my failures and places that I fall short. Even the dark stuff, the stuff I wish I could erase from the story of my life. That is how good God is!
Lord, take my hurts, failures, and shortcomings and use them in a way that can bring glory to you.
I know God will use my mistakes because He promises. I can use my mistakes and failures to help better guide my kids, by explaining the consequences of sin and help them to see right from wrong. And when they make their own bad choices, I can meet them with the grace that I did not receive.
My bad choices, failures, and mistakes don't have to mean my life is over. God can redeem anything. I need to let the mistakes I have made help me not to be quick to judge those who are living impulsively or destructively. But to meet them with mercy and grace, showing them the love of God that I so often did not feel from others.
I can show compassion because I know that most often another's behaviors really stem from a deep pain within.
I can use my failures and regrets to motivate me to make sure that no one that I cross paths with, that shares their story with me ever feels alone like I did. I can be the person who is there to say, "I have been there too. I am here for you. Can I pray with you?"
Lord, may I always look at my past and remember it was You who helped me through the difficult times. May looking back on these things and seeing what you have brought me through not stir up feelings of shame and regret, but instead ignite in me a deep sense of worship and awe in my heart for You. Let my past help me to deeper understand others and be more intentional, ask better questions and listen deeply to others. May I never forget that humans are capable of deeply wounding each other and I should never again allow another person to become my "savior". You and you alone are my #1 and you are my savior, help me to keep you in Your proper place. Allow my failures and shortcomings to remind me of my need for forgiveness every day. Not just for myself, but for others as well. When life gets hard, help me to find gratitude in the fact that You have already paid my debts in a way that I never could. You are a God that forgives my past, but you can also use it for good. Let nothing I experience go in vain. Turn my past into something that points to Your goodness and love. Use every part of my life, even the not so pretty ones, to bring glory to you and be a testimony and encouragement to others I encounter throughout my life. Arrange divine encounters with people who need to hear my story of grace and mercy and the savior who redeemed even my dark and broken places.
