Trusting in God's Plan

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all. 

~Proverbs 3:5

(the Message)

This has always been one of my favorite scriptures, yet if I am honest it is always been a struggle for me.  Trusting God is not always easy for me.  For anyone that knows me well, I am sure that this is hard to believe but I can be quite the control freak at times, LOL!  The bad part of being a bit controlling mixed with a little type A personality, is that I spend a lot of time trying to work out my plan and forget to let go a little and trust God to work out his.

In December of 2010 when I graduated I was sure of the path the future held for me.  I was going to sit tight for a while, enjoy my family and a little time off from the craziness my life had become then come Spring I would start applying for a teaching job.  I was even pretty confident which district and where I was going to end up.  Even thought the job market was not great I knew God had promised I would be working come Fall.  I began applying, praying and knew God had a plan for me.  The Bible promises it and He has proven it to me time and time again.  As Summer started to come to an end I still did not have that teaching job I thought I would have.  As I sent my kids back to school with only a substitute position lined up, I began to wonder if I had really heard the voice of God.  

The first Wednesday in September I went to church and spent an amazing night crying, praying, crying some more and ultimately finally giving the entire situation over to God, fully trusting His plans are higher than my plans (Isaiah 55:8). The very next day while subbing I got an email to contact a principal at a school I had interviewed with over the summer.  After getting in touch for him, he asked if I was willing to come in and talk with him about a job opportunity.  A week or so earlier he had contacted me about a job I ultimately did not pursue because I didn't feel I was at all qualified for.  The very next day I sat down and spoke with the principal and ultimately was offered that very same job that a week ago I decided wasn't for me.  Here I was taking a job, I did not apply for, and did not feel qualified for, but was sure was exactly what God had for me.  

I have now been working as the Title I/Reading Teacher for about six weeks.  This week the job 6 months I would have told you was my dream job became available.  Six months ago I would have been excited because this was right where I wanted to be.  Was that my reaction? NO!  I didn't have any of those reactions.  I for a split second thought about applying, then I realized I wasn't excited about it.  If I got that job, I already know I love the school, the grade, and the teachers that I would be teaching with, and I'd have my own classroom.  The thing is I already have all that right where I am: I love my job, I love the school I am at, I love the staff and I love the kids.  Am I doing what I thought I would? NO!  Am I anywhere near where I thought I would be? NO!  Is this what I had planned for myself? NO!  Am I happy? ABSOLUTELY! Am I teaching my own class like I thought? No, but I will someday!  Am I right where God wants me? Without a doubt! 

Sometimes the path we had laid out for ourselves, is not the path God has in store for us.  And, sometimes it isn't until we look back from the place God has brought us to to what we thought we wanted, that we can see clearly just how perfect that place is!  All we have to do is walk in faith, knowing that where God's path takes is far beyond anything we can imagine. 

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

~Jeremiah 29:11

(the Message)

"In their hearts humans plan their course,
   but the LORD establishes their steps."

~Proverbs 16:9

(NIV)

Walking with Blind Faith

As I sit back and reflect on my journey over the last decade there is one thing that see as a common thread sewn throughout that time.  I look back on where I was and where God has taken me and see the faithfulness of God.  Time after time God has spoken to me.  Many times those promises were things that often looked impossible and at time those around me questioned my unwavering faith.  Holding on to God will give you a peace about your circumstances that others may not understand.  Isaiah 26:3-4 says, "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.  Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal."  (NIV).

Sometimes we can be such impatient people.  When God promises us something we pray, we trust God to follow through on those promises, but how many of us are willing to wait no matter how long it takes?  We often loose heart, loose faith and let go of the promises God gives us.  Often we try to put God in our box, expecting him to work out our plan in our time.  I contend that God will never fit in our box, and His timing is always better than our timing.


I would like to share one specific time in my life where God's timing wasn't my timing, the journey to see his promises fulfilled in my life was anything but easy, but in trusting in God I was able to experience that perfect peace that passes all understanding.  The peace that God promises will guard your heart and mind, (Philippians 4:7).

This story starts in August of 1998.  Shortly after moving to Guam, Shawn and I decided that it was time to add to our family.  Due to the birth control I was using at the time it was almost a year before we actually started trying.  I cannot say at this point in the journey God had promised me anything, I was not listening to God at this point in my life.  Through the process of hoping and praying for a baby, I began to seek God, purely for selfish reasons.  I wanted His help.  As I began to seek God in my heartache over not being able to get pregnant, He began to speak to me.  Drawing me closer to Him, reminding me of all the things I'd been taught as a child growing up in church.  I knew God wanted so much more from than what I had been giving him.  In February of 2000, my parents were in Guam visiting and towards the end of the trip after several occasions were I had been sick and nauseous, my mom suggested that I may be pregnant.  Knowing my body and my cycles, I informed her there was no way.  To put my mind at ease I took a pregnancy test that I had at home.  To my shock it was positive.  I was spotting at the time so I immediately knew that something wasn't right.  That afternoon I was able to get into the doctor who informed me that he was sure I was miscarrying and they would do some blood work to confirm it.  The following week after several rounds of blood work, It was determined that I had an ectopic pregnancy that was growing on my ovary.  After considering my options I chose to undergo methotrexate treatments.  The following weeks after the treatments left me drained emotionally and physically.  I was depressed and angry with God.  I was at a point in my life that I felt anything but close to God, anything but "a friend of God"; honestly I felt a little more like I was his enemy.  Why was I going through all this?  Shortly after this on Easter morning I finally came to grips with my life, with where I was going and what I was missing.  It was at that point that I fully and totally surrendered my life to God.  (see http://hisbeauty4myashes.blogspot.com/2011/04/easter-to-remember.html).

We continued to do all we could to have another child, but ultimately I had to trust God.  God spoke to Shawn and I both promising that we would have another child.  Throughout the next 3 years we endured the loss of two more babies and continued to pour out our hearts to God.  There were time that everyone around us questioned if we were hanging on to a dream that may never come true.  There were those who told us that we might want to explore the road to adoption to expand our family.  Adoption is an amazing thing and one that we talked and prayed about, but ultimately it we still felt God telling us to hold on, have faith and trust in the promise and dream of a new child.  Walking this road showed me simply that, Faith isn't faith until it is the only thing you have to hold onto.  Shawn and I continued to stand on Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." (NLT)
God is faithful, he gives us strength to go on even when we think we can't, he takes are pain and gives us joy, best of all he uses the hard times to build our faith, speak to those around us and ultimately show his glory through our lives.  Levi Nathaniel was born on February 28th.  He taught me more about faith and trust in God before he ever made is debut on this Earth.  He has brought me to tears, made me laugh and smile when the whole world around me seemed to be falling apart and is a constant reminder to me that my God is a God who loves me, cares for me and even when I don't understand his plans, they are far greater and better than mine.  His timing is always perfect!

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings." ~Psalm 61:1-4

The Unhealed Wound

 

Today, commonly known as Good Friday, is a day that we as Christians remember the sacrifice that Jesus paid on the cross.  The Bible says in Philippians 2:6-8, "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!"  It is because of Jesus' sacrifice that we are able to experience forgiveness of sins, but we are to play an active and vital part in that.  We must ask for forgiveness, have a heart of repentance, and we must also forgive others.

Confess.... 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Repentance... Acts 3:18-19 says, ""But the things which God announced beforehand by the mouth of all the prophets, that His Christ would suffer, He has thus fulfilled.  Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord'.  Repentance is more than words that come out of our mouth, it is a heart matter.  The Greek word for repentance is metaneo which means to change one's mind. A Biblical definition would be to feel true remorse over one's sins. This certainly includes the will not to sin again.  I would contend that this does not mean we will not ever sin again, but that we live our lives with a heart of repentance that wills not to sin.

Forgiving others... This is a vital and key part to forgiveness.  Jesus makes many references to the fact that we have to have a heart of forgiveness to others.  Matthew 6:14-15 in the Amplified version of the Bible says, "For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses." Forgiveness does not mean that you deny a person's responsibility in hurting you, but it is a decision to let go of resentment and hurt as a result of another's words or actions.  The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness lessens its grip on you.   Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.You can forgive someone without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a peace that will helps you go on with life.


When we are hurt we are often left bruise and bleeding, just as Christ was.  Through the act of forgiveness we allow Christ to come in and bring healing to those wounds.  Once we allow Him to truly heal the hurt and offense in our lives it doesn't remove it from our life but God turns the once bruised and bleeding to a scar.  The beautiful thing about scars is the experience that led to the scar being there makes us who we are, it is a defining moment is our lives, but because it has healed it can no longer cause us pain.  I found a quote by Jayvie Canono that is so true, "Sometimes, the wound that keeps us bleeding isn't because of the salt others put on it, it's that you never let it heal by picking at the scab continually."

So, today reflect on the great gift of forgiveness that lies before us, thanks to the amazing sacrifice suffered by Jesus Christ.  Search your heart and see where you need to let God do a healing in your life, and take the first step to forgive.  Maybe that forgiveness is to another in your life, maybe it's to forgive yourself, maybe it is time to sit at the feet of Jesus and ask for his forgiveness, but don't let another day go by without experiencing the amazing, healing gift of forgiveness.