Yes, I'm a Christian and I Attempted suicide

 

In 2020....

48,344 people died from suicide, 

and

1.4 million people attempted suicide.

I was one of those 1.4 million people.

In circumstances I never thought I'd find myself, I was living with a man who after 29 years of marriage came home to inform me he no longer loved me.  Our home became a prison that I was trapped inside. Locked in with nowhere to go and feeling alone and isolated, I began to experience anxiety that of which I had never had before.  

For weeks, as I was stuck at home, in a volatile situation, I began to sink deep into depression's deep chasm. I felt a deep-bone weariness that no amount of sleep (if I could have slept), or caffeine could have shook.  All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and stay there. My body was no longer mine.  I began to experience body shakes that I could not control. My eye lids would twitch, at times to the point I could not see well enough to drive. I was only sleeping 20-30 minutes a night.  I was emotionally and physically spent.  

There were very few people that knew the place I was in.  I felt utterly alone.  The one person who was always there for me, didn't seem to hear what I was saying or see how I was suffering.  I faced the battle alone.  I tried reaching out to a few people, only to be made to fell like if I just prayed harder or had more faith, it would get better. I prayed harder than I ever had, I flooded my mind with christian music, I searched my Bible for answers.  But it didn't get better.  It just made me feel like even more of a failure.  I couldn't even get my faith and relationship with God right. 

I cried out to a friend and then to my husband that I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  I didn't know what was going on, or what I even needed. All I knew was that I was hurting and I was hurting on an island all by myself. 

Then that dreaded day.  For a long time I didn't even remember all the details of that day.  But what I will never forget is the moment I laid in bed, numb, overwhelmed, and feeling completely abandon.  All I wanted was for the pain to stop.  The moment when I told my husband I honestly believed. no one really loved or cared about me.

 

 The moment he chose to walk away instead of reaching out to help.  

The truth is I really didn't want to die. I just wanted the pain to end. If you’ve never been depressed or suicidal, it can be hard to understand and harder still to relate. It’s lonely in the deep depths of depression’s darkness and can feel like a boulder on your back pushing you below the sea’s surface, making it difficult to do the simple things like brush your teeth, and the more vital things like breathing. I was drowning.  

That afternoon while my husband showered, I swallowed a mixture of 22-ish narcotics and crawled in bed to go to sleep. I don't remember anything after that, not until I awoke in the ICU 3 days later. The day I took the pills, I made it to the ER and I died 3 times before the doctors were able to stabilize me. 

I write this from a place of total healing, restored by God, and acutely aware that I am not the only Christian who has struggled with these things.  What I do know is that there is a stigma within the Modern evangelical church that causes many Christians to suffer alone.  Afraid to be honest with others about how they are feeling.  A 2013 study by Lifeway Research found 50% of evangelical church goers believed that prayer alone could conquer serious mental illness.  This was the reason I was afraid to keep talking about what I was going through.  I experienced this firsthand.  

If you have never felt depressed, I think it hard to truly understand what it is like.  

Myth:

depression isn't just sadness. It's so much more complex than that.  It's emptiness, Flatness. Irritation.  A strange numbness.

My journey from that point was one of redemption.  Healing.  I was able to come to terms with my depression and anxiety.  With medication and therapy I was able to become whole again.  God spoke to me in ways He'd never done before. He helped to make me whole again and see hope in what seemed hopeless. 

But as I live and breath today, I believe God kept me on the earth for a purpose and part of that purpose is to share my testimony.  My testimony of redemption. My testimony of grace.  My testimony of hope.  My testimony of joy unspeakable.

Whether you are personally struggling with these things, or just want to understand it more. I would like to share some thoughts from my perspective.

The lie that those walking closely with God don’t ever have suicidal thoughts or other mental health issues is dangerous because it wrongly casts these issues as sin. If we believe depression and dark thoughts are sinful, we’re more likely to feel ashamed and expect God to deal sternly with us. But the truth is God is good and gracious. Depression and suicidal thoughts don’t care about how spiritual we are. I’m sure plenty of devout believers and faithful leaders wish it did. I do. 

Oft4en as believers we know these are not healthy and normal thoughts. We are well aware that they are uncomfortable and frightening for people to talk about. So we fight to suppress them, telling ourselves not to think such hideous thoughts. If we’ve been in treatment for a while, we might be able to recognize that those thoughts belong to the disease. We might be able to recognize them as lies.

But we might not.

If you’re struggling, you need to know your life can be set apart to his purpose and filled with opportunities to serve and bless others. You may still struggle. Sometimes, you might want to die, but you are no less beloved, worthy, or faithful because of the dark thoughts. And, though you may not believe it, it’s still possible to live a full, joyful life in the midst of depression.

I have to take my meds every day and spend time with Jesus in the morning.  I tell those closet to me when I have hard days because I am determined Satan will not win.  I am past the hard part of my journey.  God has began to rewrite my story, and it is a story of joy.  Of victory.  Of fresh starts.  God found it fit to keep me around a while longer. He turned my ashes into beauty.  He never wastes a hurt and if one person can find hope in my story then sharing it will be worth it.

I am a Christian. I fight anxiety and depression.  I attempted suicide.  But my story isn't over yet.

My story is beautiful and I’m happy.

"You can make many plans, 

but the Lord 's purpose will prevail."

Proverbs 19:21 

Recently, I found myself smack in the middle of a  life that was nothing  I had ever pictured for my future.   Sometimes life takes a turn that we never expected.  Sometimes that comes as a consequence of our own bad decisions.  Sometimes it comes as the result of another's  choice.  And sometimes it's just because we live in a sinful,m broken world.  

No matter how you get there, you look around wondering how things got so off track from the plans you had.  How life looks nothing like you expected it to.   You might be surprised by your circumstances, but God isn't.  Yet, if you take a look around, you just might find that He is using all you face to accomplish His plans.   God is good...really, really good!  He is capable of redemption.  And just when you think you're story is over, He is turning the page to a whole new chapter.   All you have to do is trust in His plan.

Right in the middle of my messed-up plans, God began to show me all the ways I was still blessed.  He gave me peace when all I could see was chaos.  He surrounded me with Godly girlfriends.   Friends who loved me at my messiest and accepted me completely without judgment.  He gave me the strength and confidence to move forward on my own.  He reminded me of my worth, and all the things He says about me that are infinitely more important than what any human says.  

Boy, had I made plans for my life.  I thought I had the future all mapped out.  But all in one swoop, that was ripped out from under me.  But even when my circumstances weren't good...God still was!

God...The God who created the universe.  The God who knows the exact number of hairs on my head.  The God who lives inside me.  That is the God who ultimately orders my steps.  The God whose plans for my life are far greater than anything I can imagine. The God who plants my feet in timely places and provides divine opportunities.  The God who weaves purpose into my story.  The God who never wastes a tear.  The God who uses the dust of what. see as an imploded life to create a beautiful new piece of pottery.   A vessel of redepti9on.   To be used for. His glory & purpose.

The God who takes your broken and shattered plans and uses them for His purpose and your good.  All you have to do is allow Him into your plans and trust that His plans are so much better than anything you ever imagines!

The Anxiety Monster

 

I am no stranger to anxiety.  I have struggled with it pretty bad the last few years.   And looking back I realize I had anxiety all the way back into my teenage years.  It's morphed through the years.   Sometimes it's so loud I can't think straight.  Other times it's so quiet I can barely hear it.  

It comes and goes.   It shifts focus... Yet, it always does the same thing:

It steals my peace and joy and takes away my ability. to enjoy the moment.  

I recently came out of the most crippling season of anxiety I have ever experienced.  But I realize there are still so many people out there dealing with immense anxiety as I type.  

No matter if your anxiety is drastic or minimal...

Anxiety is a BEAST!

Like me, I am sure you have asked and even begged God to take it away.  Maybe like me, you've even wondered at times where God is in the middle of the chaos in your mind.  

I recall a time a little over a year ago.   Laying in bed.  Shaking.  Crying.  Consumed by anxiety.  Thinking, "I know I should pray, but what's the point?  It's not going to go away."  I didn't even want to go to God again.  I doubted He was going to take it away anyway.  All I could do through my tear-filled eyes was cry out, "Where are You, God?"

At that moment I was quietly reminded that being completely healed isn't the only indicator that God is present.  God can heal anything.  I believe that with every fiber of my being.  I have seen it.   I have experienced it.  If He doesn't heal here on earth, He most assuredly brings complete healing when we make it to heaven.  But He doesn't always do things in an instant. 

So where is he when we are anxious?

                            He is with me...

                                    His Spirit is still safe inside me.

                            He is around me.

                                     His presence is ev erywhere, fighting on behalf of me

                                        in a spiritual realm, I cannot see.

                            He is behind me.

                                     And in front of me.

                            He is outside of time.

                            He is in every ounce of anxiety I have ever experienced.  

Psalm 46:1 says, 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

                            He's ever-present.

                                    He's our help.

But his help doesn't always look like instant healing.  That doesn't make Him less present.  And it doesn't make Him less good.  It does mean that He is in the healing journey with us.  And maybe that is the whole point.

On this side of heaven, none of us will be completely whole.  Not like we will be in heaven.  None of us can avoid suffering.  Suffering will happen.  If we learn to keep going to Him even if it doesn't result in immediate healing, we might just find a different kind of healing is happening inside of us.  

A new perspective may emerge.  We learn to see His face in our suffering, instead of only seeing Him in our victories.  I am in no way suggesting we shouldn't pray for healing.  We should.  And I wholeheartedly believe He wants to heal us.  But we should also seek professional help if that is what we need.

But if we can live a life that even when we're suffering we can see His face and know His voice...

If we can feel anxious yet trust He is who He says He is...

Then we have something so much better than an "anxiety-free" life!

We have a life knowing and walking with our Shephard in the valleys.  We have a forever friend! 

So if you are anxious and you are wondering...

God is right there with you!

And He's not going to leave!

Into the Sea

 

"Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God; 

I will strengthen you, i will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

~Isaiah 41:10 

I truly believe that at the end of each battle I've faced, I can look back and see God's fingerprints all over my situation and just how much I have grown.

Hardship not only grows our character and faith, but it also fine-tunes us.   It changed our perspective.   But in the middle of it, it doesn't always feel that way.  Instead, it feels like you're drowning and being crushed by waves that are much bigger than you. 

I have allowed suffering to blind me from a hope for the future.  It caused me to believe that I would never feel better again.  It isolated me and led me to think that suffering was all I would ever experience.  I found myself in a very dark place.  A place where all I felt was hurt and pain.  A place where I thought no one cared or ever would.  I was desperate.   Desperate to quit hurting.  Desperate to stop the pain.  Desperate to quit hurting.   I felt like a prisoner in my own body.   A prisoner to anxiety.  To fear.  To being alone.  

And almost exactly a year ago at the height of that pain and suffering, feeling abandon and alone, I wanted the pain and suffering to stop.  I was desperate to feel like me again.  Desperate for my life to all be a dream.  And that was when I broke.   I broke emotionally and swallowed a handful of pills.   I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up feeling better.  

Most of that entire day and the next two are lost to me.  What I do know is I died April 27, 2020.  I died three times in the ER that day.  

; but God...

God wasn't finished with me.  His plan for my life wasn't over yet.  He saw so much more in my future than the pain and suffering I was facing.  And lying in that hospital bed, broken, crying out to God, that is where He spoke to me.  

He didn't promise me that what I was yet to go through would be easy, and it wasn't.  He didn't promise there wouldn't be pain.  There was.  The truth is though He is God, and he could have ended my suffering, changed my circumstances, He's that mighty... we live in a broken world.  And sometimes that means we go through periods of suffering.  Sometimes we will never look back and like what has happened.  

But friends, you will get back up again!!!

Whether you stand up on your own, or you need to be lifted up... You will stand again.

God lifted me up out of the depths of darkness.  He heard my cries and He healed me.  He pulled me out of the grave and give me a new chance at new life.  (Psalm 40).  And friend, He will do that for you too!

On our own, you may not make it.  You may not have the strength on your own.  But the beauty is that we never have to do it alone.   God literally shares His strength with us. 

It's hard to see it in the middle of your pain.  Believe me, friend, you will change from this. You will be stronger.  Because through hardships, we have to rely on God's strength to keep going.  

This is what it means to live by grace.   Knowing you can't make it on your own and your only choice is to rely on Him to keep moving forward.   

It is heartbreaking to experience, but suffering also creates perseverance.   It teaches us to rely on others, on God.  It creates a level of compassion that you have never experienced before.   

So friend...  When you feel broken like you can't go on, or like you are stuck and you'll never be able to move forward...

Listen to God's whispers.

He will remind you He is close to your pain.   He knows your suffering.  He will tell you "this isn't how your story ends", you won't be ruined...

You will be stronger!

Because God never wastes a tear.   You have experienced His life-changing strength.  And trust me, friend, God is the master of creating beauty out of our ashes.  

 

March 20, 2021

Sitting on the balcony from my condo in Maui

"And though those days were awful, I was not without God.  

So, today I look at what's right in front of me through what I know about God.  This is a gift.  This can be used for good.  This is part of a much bigger story.   And I can trust HIm to also make it beautiful.  Now...

I just have to keep making the choice to look for the beautiful."

~lysa TerKeurst (Forgiving what You Can't Forget)

I sit on our balcony, watching palm trees sway in the breeze, and the waves roll across the ocean, just. yards from our room. 

I cannot wait to get out ad explore this breathtaking island with my mom.   There is so much I am looking forward to on this trip.

Relaxing 🏖 Sun 🌄 🌞 Beautiful beaches 🏝 breathtaking scenery ⛰🌴🌸🌺🌼    

      waves crashing on the shore 🌊🌊🌊🌊.  

  Good food 🍈🍊🍌🍍🍓🍤🍧🍨🍹

Lots of memories and laughter 👅😂😆😋😊😛😜😝

But as I sit here taking in the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, I can't help but look back on how dramatically different my life was a year ago.  And what a completely different person I was than who I am today.

A  year ago my life had been flipped upside down.   I found myself desperate to cling to a relationship that was dying.   A relationship that only I seemed to want to bring back to life.  I had a death's grip on something that was destroying me and in the middle of it all, I didn't even see how it was tearing me apart piece by piece.  It was killing anything that still remained of the person I am.

I was holding on for dear life to something that only I seemed to still want.  I look back today and wonder why I wanted something so toxic.  So destructive.  Why was I so afraid to lose something that was so unhealthy for me, physically and emotionally?

I got married with the belief that it was forever.   Good.  Bad.  Hard times.   All of it.   You didn't walk away from your spouse.  A commitment was not something you threw out with the trash when it didn't feel good anymore.   You fought.   You worked.  You did what it took to be better together.  

I guess I never considered that my definition of love and commitment was much different than his.  I guess I looked at love and what I expected from love much differently than he did.   It was never about me.  It was about putting the one you love first and if they are doing that in return then both partners are. taken care of.  It was about believing in the person and always looking at the good.  It was about two broken people trying to be better together.  It was about stepping up when the other person was struggling, knowing that they would step up in return when you needed it.  

Looking back I think I allowed our relationship to become more important than myself.  And I am in no way implying that selfishness is ok.  What I am saying is that when a relationship becomes about one person.  When one party's focus shifts from their spouse to themselves.  When you put your needs above that of the one you are supposed to love.  It was at that point that I needed to start asking myself,... 

What about me?   Don't I deserve to be loved and supported too?   Can't you see that I am falling apart?  Don't you even care?

I spent two years prior to this point giving of myself to others until I had nothing to give.  Giving to my dying father,  Giving to my grieving mother.  Giving to a new and often stressful new position at work.  Giving to my kids.   And giving to a husband who kept telling me how neglected he felt. 

But what about me?  Who was giving to me?  Who was living me up?  Who was making sure I was supported and filled up?

If I am honest, he was probably right that I wasn't always putting him first.  But who was he to even ask me to choose between him and my dying father?  Him and my grieving mother.  And even the grief I myself was ignoring while I was too busy making sure everyone else was ok.  Who was making sure I was ok?

Wasn't this the time in a marriage where he stepped up for me?  Where he held me up?  I think about the story of Moses in Exodus.   The Lord told him that as long as he held his arms to heaven the Israelites would continue to win the battle.  But as he grew tired and couldn't hold them any longer, Aaron and Hur came along beside him and held his hands up for him.  

"When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it.  Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands so they were steady until the going down of the sun."

Exodus 17:12

Isn't that what God calls us to do for one another, especially in a marriage?  Aren't we to hold one another up when the other doesn't have the strength to do it on their own?   Wasn't I worthy of that kind of love?

A year ago I didn't know the answer to those questions.  And if I did I'd probably had told you I didn't deserve it.   
But today I sit here looking at the amazing handiwork of God from a balcony in Maui and I know the answer to those questions.  

100% Without a Doubt.  Wholely and Completely....

I deserve to be loved like that!!!

Stay tuned for more from Maui....

Anniversaries

 

Today marks two life-changing events.  Two events, exactly a year apart, both filled with the kind of loss that I still have trouble putting into words at times.   I hear my counselor's words echoing in my ear...

"Greif is a process."

There are normal emotions that come with loss.   For me, it sometimes feels so much deeper.  It is not just about the loss, but the overarching fear I have battled my whole life.   The fear of being abandon.

Grief hits in strands like waves crashing on the sand.  In the beginning, the waves hit hard, then reside... only to hit hard again.   Those are the powerful kind of waves that knock you off your feet, taking your breath away from you.  

With time those waves hit less frequently and with less power.   Over time I have noticed that the waves change.   They aren't as painful as they once were.   They come further and further apart as well.  As I get further away from the grief I can feel myself healing.  Smiling more.  Enjoying life again.  I can think of those I lost and smile instead of crying.  

The part I continue to struggle with is I sometimes get caught up in listening to others share about how God is moving in their lives.  Speaking to them in dreams.   The unexplainable provision in time of need.   Clam and peace in the midst of chaos.  

And while those testimonies stir my faith, and I can also see God move that way at times, when things are difficult, and especially tough days, if I am honest, they also quietly stir doubt in me as well.  

If God loves me, why doesn't he do those things for me too?   Why did he allow me to feel the excruciating pain of loss on such a deep level?

I have told my children countless times, "I love you equally, but I express my love for you differently."  As I sit here I can hrar my Heavenly Father echoing those words back to me.

If I am not careful I can miss the unique love story that God is writing for me because I expect it to look like someone else's.

I often pray Psalm 119:41 as a prayer over myself.  "Lord, show me your love, and save me as you have promised."  Asking the Holy Spirit to open, my eyes too notice God's personal pursuit of my heart.  

As the Holy Spirit opens my eyes, I begin to take notice of how He was with me with a blazing sunset over snow-capped mountains or a star-filled sky.  How he embraces me in the warmth of a well-timed word of encouragement.   Or the affection shown as He extends is power and strength in my weakness. 

The more I notice the intimate and endless ways God shows His love to me, the more secure I feel in His love.  And all the insecurities and fears of being alone and abandon melt away.

God's love for me is impartial but His pursuit of me is very personal.   As I pay attention to God's one-of-a-kind wooing, I can hear my heart say back to Him, "I love the way You're loving me".

 

 

 

 

Graves into Gardens

 

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death  shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

And He who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

~Revelation 21:4-5

Today marks the day my divorce is final.   I never imagined this for my life.   Divorce comes with so many emotions.  First, was denial,  Then, anger, sadness, fear, and feeling as if I was a total failure.   After spending 30+ years with this man, now I was facing the rest of my life alone.  Single, a label I had not worn since high school.  Dating, what does that even look like?   And who would want a 47-year-old divorcee anyway?   Divorcee, I don't' even like that label!

For most of my life, I have allowed Satan to continually remind me of all my failures and shortcomings.  Many times, he used those around me to speak those things into my life.   I have therefore lived a good portion of my life living with shame, guilt, regret, or feeling that I would never be enough for someone to really love.  Quite frankly, I wasn't convinced I was worthy of real love. 

I felt this for a very long time!  Over the last year, I have held on to the Truths from God's word.   So many verses that I have memorized over the years, had new meaning to me through this journey.   There is no better thing to cling to when you are feeling abandon and alone than Jesus and the Word of God.   One truth that Jesus reminded me of frequently was Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I believe with all my heart that when God says He can work all things for good for those who love Him, that means ALL THINGS!  That includes each and every one of my failures and places that I fall short.  Even the dark stuff, the stuff I wish I could erase from the story of my life.   That is how good God is!

Lord, take my hurts, failures, and shortcomings and use them in a way that can bring glory to you.

I know God will use my mistakes because He promises.   I can use my mistakes and failures to help better guide my kids, by explaining the consequences of sin and help them to see right from wrong.  And when they make their own bad choices, I can meet them with the grace that I did not receive.

My bad choices, failures, and mistakes don't have to mean my life is over.   God can redeem anything.   I need to let the mistakes I have made help me not to be quick to judge those who are living impulsively or destructively.   But to meet them with mercy and grace, showing them the love of God that I so often did not feel from others. 

I can show compassion because I know that most often another's behaviors really stem from a deep pain within.  

I can use my failures and regrets to motivate me to make sure that no one that I cross paths with, that shares their story with me ever feels alone like I did.  I can be the person who is there to say, "I have been there too.   I am here for you.  Can I pray with you?"

Lord, may I always look at my past and remember it was You who helped me through the difficult times.   May looking back on these things and seeing what you have brought me through not stir up feelings of shame and regret, but instead ignite in me a deep sense of worship and awe in my heart for You.   Let my past help me to deeper understand others and be more intentional, ask better questions and listen deeply to others.   May I never forget that humans are capable of deeply wounding each other and I should never again allow another person to become my "savior".  You and you alone are my #1 and you are my savior, help me to keep you in Your proper place.   Allow my failures and shortcomings to remind me of my need for forgiveness every day.  Not just for myself, but for others as well.   When life gets hard, help me to find gratitude in the fact that You have already paid my debts in a way that I never could.  You are a God that forgives my past, but you can also use it for good.   Let nothing I experience go in vain.   Turn my past into something that points to Your goodness and love.  Use every part of my life, even the not so pretty ones, to bring glory to you and be a testimony and encouragement to others I encounter throughout my life.   Arrange divine encounters with people who need to hear my story of grace and mercy and the savior who redeemed even my dark and broken places. 

I'm Not Okay

 

"Don't fret or worry, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know all your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Philippians 4:6-7

Every time I find out more about the abandonment and betrayal of my marriage, it hurts!  It sucks me back into a place filled with heartache, disappointment, and bitterness once again. 

Through the past few years, I have learned that part of the process of healing is allowing myself to feel the full range of emotions.  Doing that can often wipe me out.  Sometimes it even means pausing the rest of my life to grieve. 

But I have also learned that I don't have to be fully healed to keep moving forward.  I am moving forward.  I did it.  I am still doing it.  There are times I am absolutely, 100%, NOT OKAY! 

But even with grief in my heart, and heaviness weighing my chest, I can get up.  I stumble at times.  But then I get up. 

I am not okay!  I am far from it at times.  But...

I GET UP!!!

I can't do it on my own.   I could never have done it in my own strength.  Yes, I believe with all my heart that I am a strong woman.  But I don't know that anyone could have overcome what I have endured the last couple of years in their own strength.  I have had to lean on Jesus and allow Him to carry me at times.  

Jesus said in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore, I will gladly boast all the. more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties."

Quite frankly, I don't think I did a lot of "delighting" through the insults, hardships, or difficulties.  But on the other side, I most definitely can, because God showed up.   He even carried me at times I didn't think I could go on. 

Getting up never meant I was okay.  It did however mean, I knew if I leaned into Christ I would be okay.

I knew I was going to be okay because He'd done it before.  And I knew He would do it again. 

I refuse to let what someone else did the choices they made, dictate how I move forward.  

I will get up.  Even if I stumble and fall. Even if I have to cry out for strength to go on.  Even if I'm not okay.  I will get up.  I will keep getting up.  Because I believe in the promises of God.   His word says he is close to the brokenhearted and that He will never leave me or forsake me.

So even though I may not be okay today, you can rest assured that...

I will be okay!