Into the Sea

 

"Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God; 

I will strengthen you, i will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

~Isaiah 41:10 

I truly believe that at the end of each battle I've faced, I can look back and see God's fingerprints all over my situation and just how much I have grown.

Hardship not only grows our character and faith, but it also fine-tunes us.   It changed our perspective.   But in the middle of it, it doesn't always feel that way.  Instead, it feels like you're drowning and being crushed by waves that are much bigger than you. 

I have allowed suffering to blind me from a hope for the future.  It caused me to believe that I would never feel better again.  It isolated me and led me to think that suffering was all I would ever experience.  I found myself in a very dark place.  A place where all I felt was hurt and pain.  A place where I thought no one cared or ever would.  I was desperate.   Desperate to quit hurting.  Desperate to stop the pain.  Desperate to quit hurting.   I felt like a prisoner in my own body.   A prisoner to anxiety.  To fear.  To being alone.  

And almost exactly a year ago at the height of that pain and suffering, feeling abandon and alone, I wanted the pain and suffering to stop.  I was desperate to feel like me again.  Desperate for my life to all be a dream.  And that was when I broke.   I broke emotionally and swallowed a handful of pills.   I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up feeling better.  

Most of that entire day and the next two are lost to me.  What I do know is I died April 27, 2020.  I died three times in the ER that day.  

; but God...

God wasn't finished with me.  His plan for my life wasn't over yet.  He saw so much more in my future than the pain and suffering I was facing.  And lying in that hospital bed, broken, crying out to God, that is where He spoke to me.  

He didn't promise me that what I was yet to go through would be easy, and it wasn't.  He didn't promise there wouldn't be pain.  There was.  The truth is though He is God, and he could have ended my suffering, changed my circumstances, He's that mighty... we live in a broken world.  And sometimes that means we go through periods of suffering.  Sometimes we will never look back and like what has happened.  

But friends, you will get back up again!!!

Whether you stand up on your own, or you need to be lifted up... You will stand again.

God lifted me up out of the depths of darkness.  He heard my cries and He healed me.  He pulled me out of the grave and give me a new chance at new life.  (Psalm 40).  And friend, He will do that for you too!

On our own, you may not make it.  You may not have the strength on your own.  But the beauty is that we never have to do it alone.   God literally shares His strength with us. 

It's hard to see it in the middle of your pain.  Believe me, friend, you will change from this. You will be stronger.  Because through hardships, we have to rely on God's strength to keep going.  

This is what it means to live by grace.   Knowing you can't make it on your own and your only choice is to rely on Him to keep moving forward.   

It is heartbreaking to experience, but suffering also creates perseverance.   It teaches us to rely on others, on God.  It creates a level of compassion that you have never experienced before.   

So friend...  When you feel broken like you can't go on, or like you are stuck and you'll never be able to move forward...

Listen to God's whispers.

He will remind you He is close to your pain.   He knows your suffering.  He will tell you "this isn't how your story ends", you won't be ruined...

You will be stronger!

Because God never wastes a tear.   You have experienced His life-changing strength.  And trust me, friend, God is the master of creating beauty out of our ashes.