Well, let me back up a little, because my story doesn't actually start on Easter. I was raised in a Christian Home. I would even go so far as to call myself a "good girl" growing up. As a baby my family attended a Catholic church then shortly after my first communion my parents left the Catholic church. When I was in the fourth grade we moved to Colorado and our family joined a Foursquare church where my parents served in leadership as missions coordinators. I loved church and many of my friends were from church. Then when I was in about 9th grade due to complicated circumstances at the church my parents felt they needed to leave the church. By this time I was exploring what God meant to me. Up until this point I think it was something I did because that is what we did in our family. I said a prayer of salvation at a young age, was baptized and even was filled with the holy spirit, but because of the situation in our church it made me begin to question organized religion and thus God too. As my family looked for another church, I soon began to hate going to church. I was no longer apart of a group of friends and often felt like an outsider at the churches we would go to. By the time I was 16 and working I often chose to work so that I would not have to go to church. I was dating a boy (my current husband) who was not a Christian and I was not sure I really needed God. I sometimes would feel the Holy Spirit's hand of conviction on my life, but the more I ignored it the easier it got. Shawn joined the Navy shortly after I graduated from high school. One day a girl I had met while working a summer waiting tables walked into my current job. We began talking and she invited me to to out to dinner with her college group. I took her up on the offer and met an amazing group of people who believe it or not loved God and still were a lot of fun to be around. They accepted me for me and didn't make me feel bad for not going to church. I soon began going to Greeley First Assembly of God with my friend and began to fall in love once again with Jesus. Shortly after Shawn joined the Navy we decided to get married the following summer. As my relationship with God grew I started to question my relationship with Shawn. I love him, he was my best friend and without him I felt incomplete, but he was not serving God. I saw glimpses in him that he was being draw to Jesus, but I also knew he was living his life sold out for Jesus.
Shawn and I married June 13, 1992 and I moved to Jacksonville FL. I did a lot of nagging and we would periodically go to church, usually never the same one twice. For the most part we were doing our own thing. Fast forward 8 years, 2 moves and many churches later. We were living in Guam and by this point I was no longer nagging him to go to church, but was content with not going myself either. I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in February of 2000 and it was one of the hardest things I had ever gone through.
This takes me to my Easter story.....the night before Easter we were going to the beach to hang out with some friends who were camping. After a few hours hanging out with them they convinced us to go get out tent and camp with them. The next morning Shawn got up with Ashley. They went for a walk and came back to the tent to tell me that there was a sunrise service getting ready to start down the beach and they wanted me to go with them. (Let me add this was the first time Shawn had ever suggested we go to church). There was no way I was going to church. After all I had been dealing with I quite frankly blamed God. I was angry with him. I couldn't understand why God would allow me to get pregnant (we'd been trying for over a year), only to take it from us.I told him no and decided to go home, shower and hide eggs for Ashley instead. I told Shawn I would be back for them in a little bit.
I went home to do my thing and the entire time that still small voice was dealing with me. After getting ready I headed back down to the beach. I put an Amy Grant CD in my car and as I rounded a corner that headed down to the beach I saw the sun rising over the ocean and was overwhelmed by God's grace and love. I began to cry so hard I had to pull my cry over on the side of the road. I sat in my car crying out to God. I felt his love, peace, grace and mercy and knew that I had to turn my life back over to him. The anger in my heart was tearing me apart and without Jesus my life was empty. I vowed to God that no matter what happened with Shawn, whether he chose to follow Jesus or not I would no longer use that as an excuse to hold back from serving him. I felt as if I had come to the end of myself and nothing mattered anymore, except God. I had bargained with God for so many things...I would fully devote myself to him when...When Shawn was finally saved...When I had that baby I so long to have...When life was easier...When, when, when..... The truth was that none of that was going to fill that longing I had. None of it was what I need. What I need was Jesus. What I needed was to replace all those things with the ONLY THING....
That Easter morning, watching the beauty of God unfold before me, I sold myself out to God once again. I started a relationship with the best friend a girl could ever have. I started a journey that would change me to the core and never leave me the same. I found someone who would walk with me through some of the hardest things I would ever face in my life, love me unconditionally and give me a supernatural peace even at times my life seemed to be crumbling out from underneath me.
BTW.....less than a year later Shawn gave his life to God too and now we walk this path together in Christ!
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