Loving & Steadfast

At the beginning of the year I asked God to give me a word for 2017.  He actually gave me two…Loving & Steadfast.

Loving, that is a nice word.  I can wrap my little brain around that one.  Shawn and I were going through a very rough patch in our marriage.  We had been separated for a few months at the beginning of the school year and were trying to work things out.  We were still so far apart, but I when it first happened God spoke to me that I would never be able to fully receive or give love until I fully understood how much He loved me.  I spent weeks studying what God’s Word says about His love for me while Shawn & I were separated.  I prayed for God to bring me to a full realization of what those things meant, and to really “grasp how wide and long and high and deep” His love for me was.  By January, God had done a huge transformation in me.  Not only did I feel His love and presence in a way I had never felt before, but all the pain and scars that kept me from fully feeling it up until that point began to melt away.  So, in January when God spoke the word love into my heart and showed me it was time for me to really start letting others love me and love other the way He wanted me to love them, I thought YEAH God…I can do that.

The thing was there was this other word….Steadfast.  Not only did He speak that word, He gave me a verse, 1 Peter 5:10:

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To Him be the glory for ever and ever. Amen”

I looked up the meaning of the words strong, firm and steadfast in order to better understand what God was trying to tell me. 

Strong- able to withstand great force or pressure

Firm- in a resolute and determined manner

Steadfast- resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering; loyal, faithful, committed, reliable, steady, solid, uncompromising, determined

The big question was is that me?  When I sat down and got honest before God, steadfast was not a word I would use to describe me.  I was passionate…I was often unpredictable….I was emotional and impulsive.  Steadfast….not me in many ways.  I began to seek God and pray, asking Him to show me what that meant in my life.  Asking Him to help me become that woman.  You know, that one who doesn’t lose her top every time someone bumps into her happy.  The one that extend grace to others.  The one who is reliable, steady and unwavering.  The one I was pretending to be on the outside when inside I was scrambling to keep it all together. 

For almost 6 months now I have focused at least 3 days of my weekly devotional time on what it means to be steadfast, and how that related to the changes God wanted for me.  I picked up a devotional by Lysa Terkeurst, Unglued Devotional. I’ve studied it, I have prayed it over my life, I have copied scripture after scripture and memorized several. 

Today again I was brought back to 1 Peter 5:10.  Strong, Firm and Steadfast.  Only today those words didn’t bring the same unsettled and anxious feelings they did 6 months ago.  Because….

I am Strong!

I am Firm!

I am Steadfast!

For all of you want a little update on Shawn and I, that story is for a different blog, but I will tell you that God is a miracle worker.  He gave me many Miracles in the Mess we were walking through and just as God promised in Isaiah 43:2, 
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the LORD your God.”